I Just Can't Do It

I just can't do it.

Try as I might I can't leave a friend behind during a run. Any run. Doesn't matter if it is just a training run or a race, if you are struggling I will stay with you. Even if it means that I sacrifice my chance of getting a PR or placing in my age group.

I have had runs (and races) where I have struggled mightily just to finish. I know how hard that journey is and I don't want to see anyone face it alone. I want to help my fellow runner reach the finish line because I know how much joy and satisfaction can come from just reaching the finish line of a run that has been beyond hard and otherwise disappointing.

David doesn't understand this at all. He always tells me to run my own race (or run). And to tell you the truth, I really do start off with every intention of doing just that. But then if someone from the group starts to falter and fall behind, all of that "just run your own race" goes right out the window and I silently make the commitment to help that person finish. And the moment I make that commitment to myself, I completely forget about what I might be missing out on and focus solely on that person and providing them the encouragement they need, whether that is vocal "you can do it" or silently running alongside them carefully pacing them along.

So my friends, if you are falling behind I will help you. Please don't feel guilty about this (although if you truly do not want me to stay behind with you, I will respect that and move on) because I really want to be there with you, helping in any way that I can to get you to the end.

I had a couple of more thoughts after I hit "publish". First I want to clarify something about training runs. If we are running a speedwork training run, I might leave someone behind. I love speedwork. I enjoy seeing how hard I can push myself during those runs. I enjoy reaching the "I think I might vomit" stage. That's sick, I know.

Second, I absolutely do not expect others to wait for me. I know we all run/race for different reasons. Some of my running sisters run to see how hard they can go, trying to PR. Others run for emotional release. I don't begrudge anyone their reasons for running and I don't expect them to give up on their reasons just because I might be having a hard time. I have learned that most of my reasons for running revolve around running with my running sisters. Well and to say to myself, "Take that 41-year old body with all of your crazy food allergies, wacky thryoid/thermostat regulation, and perimenopausal hormones. Just look at what you can do!" But primarily, running for me is about the bonding that goes on during our time together.

So my friends, if we are running and you are stronger than me on that day, during that race, I will say "Go. Go be your best for today. I'll get this done and I'll be OK." And I will mean it. I will want to you to press forward and I will cheer you from behind for as long as you are in my sights.