College Life

I can't believe that when Carson returns to school next week (this week is his spring break), he will only have 6 weeks of school left. It doesn't seem like it was all that long ago when we were having serious arguments discussions about living in the dorms at NIC. I wanted him to have some "away from home" experience, to feel connected to his college classmates, and learn how to live with other people. He wanted to commute daily (the college is only 20 miles from our house) so he could continue in his little cocoon of home comfort. Despite Carson's protests, his dad and I signed him up to live in the dorms and haven't regretted that decision.

The first month was pretty rough as Carson was settling into college, dorm living and trying to make the wrestling team. But once the pressure of making the team was gone, things got much rosier. He started making friends with kids on the wrestling team, the girls across the hall in his dorm, etc. His friends quickly discovered that Carson doesn't drink or smoke pot, so he became the designated driver at many parties. Do I wish that wasn't part of his college experience? Yeah, I kinda do. Not because I'm worried about him drinking or smoking pot (he is pretty strong in his convictions about not participating in those vices), but he goes to college in North Idaho for crap's sake. I worry about those parties getting out of control and inebriated people who might have weapons. He, of course, thinks I'm overreacting and he's totally safe. Whatever, he's an 18-year old kid who doesn't have a whole lot of life experience behind him.

Other things I worry about? Oh, the minor fact that he doesn't seem to have any clear direction on a future career path. He is taking mostly general studies classes which I guess is fine for the first year of school. My biggest gripe is that he plans on spending 3 years at a two-year junior college. If it weren't on our dime, I wouldn't care quite as much. On a positive note, his grades are much better than they were in high school and a better reflection of what he is capable of doing.

Now, the real reason I started this blog post was to say that along with the friends on the wrestling team and the girls across the hall, he has made a special friend. She actually doesn't attend NIC yet, but she will be there next year. She is friends with the girls across the hall from Carson and they introduced them when Avery was up for a soccer recruiting trip. Carson insists that they are just friends, and yes they are friends, but he has invested quite a bit of time in developing the friendship. I mean a lot of talk time. That's impressive for a boy who is, in general, a man of few words and is pretty picky with whom he will use up his word quotient.

He was even brave enough to bring her home to meet Dave and me. Of course, he planned it so that the visit wouldn't be long and he had a perfect exit strategy....he had to grab a few things from the house so he brought her along. Once the items were collected and we chatted for maybe 5 minutes, he said they had to get going because he had borrowed the car from a friend and needed to get it back to her. Since this was the first girl that he had ever brought home, I, of course, wanted a picture. I told Katelyn about Avery and should couldn't believe Carson was bringing her home so the picture was going to be proof. Carson didn't want the picture, but Avery was all for it. So I got the best picture I could with a non-cooperative Carson (who later complained about the goofiness of the picture when I sent it to him).
Like I said the visit was brief, but from what we could see in that 10-15 minute visit, she seemed like a nice girl...laid back personality, able to joke around, and she is shorter than me :). I viewed that last point as a bonus.

Overall, I would say that so far this has been a pretty successful first year at college. He has 6 more weeks before it officially ends, but he is staying on track with completing coursework and doing well on his tests. It's been fun to watch him grow up some this year (notwithstanding some of the "dumb college kid" antics he has pulled).

Still Adjusting

For the most part I am settling into empty-nesting quite nicely. I mean who can complain about getting a long, hot shower every morning? Or not having to worry about getting children out the door to all their various activities? And what 's not to like about being able to have spontaneous date nights with no worries about who might be available for babysitting? Oh, and there is hardly ever any disagreements over what TV show to watch. And for sure no complaining or back talk is heard in our house these days.

But truth be told, sometimes during the hours of 3-7 p.m. I am totally lonely. I know when the kids were home I complained about the frenzied pace of those hours. Some days I wondered how I was going to get everything done; how was I going to clone myself so I could be in 3 places at once. Those were the hours when I was just looking for a little peace and quiet; when I couldn't wait for David to get home so I could tag out.

I don't know if I wished those times away, but if I did, shame on me because now I miss them. I miss having a million places to be and watching my children be involved in several different activities. I miss the noise and chaos that often occurred during those late afternoon, early evening hours. Now I find that I have those hours completely to myself. The peace and quiet that I longed for? Well, now I have it.

Somebody asked me what I do during that time. I honestly replied "A whole lot of nothing." I just can't find it within myself to be self-motivated enough to do something. Well, I guess that is not entirely true. Some days after school I volunteer to time at whatever sport is currently going on at the middle school. And I still attend city council meetings regularly. I also have planning commission meetings on the 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. So I guess I'm not a total lump. But on the days/nights when I don't have something to do? Well, then I'm lonely. Dave is working until 6 or 6:30 most nights these days. And then he usually works out after so some nights he isn't home until 7:30.

Dave's late nights brings up another area of empty-nesting to which I am having trouble adjusting. That is the area of cooking. You would think that since I have so much quiet, uninterrupted time in the late afternoon/early evening, I should be preparing some fabulous meals. But I'm not. Honestly, I just don't have the desire to cook if I'm going to be eating by myself. Well, actually, even if Dave were home to eat I'm not sure that I would cook. It just seems like such a bother. It's hard to guess how much to cook for 2 and Dave hates leftovers so if there is extra it just goes to waste. And throwing away food really bugs me, too so again, I just don't cook. The funny thing is I always have grand plans to make some fabulous meals, I even purchase ingredients for the meals, but when the time comes to make the meal. Meh, who cares?

So this empty-nest thing is going pretty OK. There were some things that I eagerly accepted, like only having to worry about me in the mornings. But there are still some things I'm struggling with, like all of this alone time and what to do. Looking forward to next week. It's Carson's spring break. I'm sure he'll complain that we aren't doing anything and that there is no food in the house. This time I'll accept the complaining because it means that I'm not alone.

A Happy Monday

For me, Monday's have a 50/50 chance of being awesome or awful. Today had a greater than 50% chance of being awful, mostly because I am still suffering the effects of some wicked, nasty stomach virus that has been plaguing me since Thursday. The nausea finally started to subside about noon and other ailments waned in the late afternoon hours. I'm glad that the worst seems to be behind me.

Even when I'm feeling horrid (and today I was just shy of feeling horrid), I do look forward to Monday's because I know that we'll receive an e-mail from Katelyn. Like always, I tried to time being logged into our e-mail when she typically e-mails. This allows us a chance to "chat" back and forth. Today was no exception and we spent some time exchanging e-mails. She was finally transferred back to an English-speaking area and her countenance in the picture she sent with her new companion shows the relief she must be feeling. She didn't admit it very often, but it was hard for her to be serving in a Spanish-speaking area when she did not know Spanish. She was grateful for the time she served there and the wonderful people she met, but not being able to participate in the conversations and teaching was draining on her.

Here are some happy pictures from her time in Ajo and Gila Bend:

Katelyn said that Carolyn was a "feisty lady" and it took several attempts to the font, but she made it right before Katelyn was transferred.

Katelyn and her companion killing time before the baptism

Brothers Hunter and Jacob

The only snake she has seen so far while serving in Arizona. She is slightly disappointed that she hasn't seen more snakes.

As if chatting with Katelyn wasn't enough of a morale booster, I received a letter in the mail from her today. An actual, handwritten, delivered via snail mail, letter. It was one of those letters that makes a momma's heart happy.

So it was indeed a happy Monday.

Try to Show Kindness in All That You Do

I keep repeating those words over and over to myself as I nurse Carson through his second shoulder surgery. Pain and disappoint are tough and don't bring out the best in him. I try hard to keep him comfortable and make this time as restful as possible. But I don't ever seem to do it quite right and he gets grumpy. Then I feel like not trying at all. And once those feelings start, they are followed shortly by feelings of guilt, that I should try harder and not take the grumpy meanness personally.

I went to work today after making sure that he was sufficiently medicated. I found it to be a welcome reprieve. That sounds horrible doesn't it. It probably is horrible, but it is the reality of how I was feeling today. But going to work was just enough of a break that I was happy to get home...for about 20 minutes.

"Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought"

The next phrase of the song that entered into my mind. This time I was trying to think happy thoughts so I wouldn't be frustrated with the other man in the house. He went to work yesterday and today. he didn't even inquire to see if missing 3 days of work would be convenient for me. What happened to sharing the load of providing care? When we're both home, why should I always be the default "go-to" person? Carson asked for a sandwich. Dave looked at me to get it for him. Carson needed his pain medication. Again, I did that. Carson needed to email his psychology teacher. Dave looked at me to help him. When it became clear that Carson was pushing my buttons and I was pushing his, Dave threw his hands in the air and said to me "don't do that."

"I'm trying to love as He did in all that I do and say"

Trying so hard, but failing miserably. Feeling guilty for failing and for wanting to quit when my efforts are unappreciated.

Challenge Completed

If the dear reader will remember, for the month of February I had challenged myself to look daily for God in the details of my life. I believe that, for the most part, I was able to successfully meet the obligations of that challenge. The result is that I have developed deeper feelings of gratitude and appreciation of  my Heavenly Father. I truly believe that He is with me at all times and will work to direct my path for good.

Now, there were times during this challenge where it was easy to see God in the details. At other times, it was only after further reflection did I notice that God had had His hand in that situation. I am grateful for the growth that occurred in me as I learned to pause, notice, and reflect on Heavenly Father's omnipresence in my life.

At the beginning of the month there were two very obvious examples of God blessing me. And they just happened to coincide with each other. The first Wednesday in February I felt myself getting sick. I was afraid that it was going to be the flu that was going around through my work place. I stayed home Wednesday to rest. When I woke up Thursday I felt a little better so I went to work. I wasn't at work for long when I noticed that I was feeling a little warm. I took my temperature and lo and behold a fever. I sent myself home.

I was beginning to panic a bit because my niece was being baptized on that Saturday. I was supposed to leave on Friday to ride down to Utah with my parents. Here is where God stepped in. My fever broke. I still had an ugly sounding cough but the other symptoms had cleared. I was able to attend Maddie's baptism. Being with family always helps me see God in the details.

In February I was also blessed to see God in the details in a couple of different work situations. In both cases, it was only after reflection that I realized how God had blessed me. The first occurrence was when I had the opportunity to travel over to our state capital to participate in a press conference with our governor. The travel required a flight. I was preparing some remarks during the flight. The guy sitting next to me noticed what I was doing and asked about it. I explained that I was on my way to our capital to advocate on behalf of school-aged children. The governor was seeking to restrict access to e-cigarettes and other vaping devices to minors. The governor wanted a school nurse on the panel and I was the one who, from our statewide association, was selected to go. As we were deplaning the guy said to me, "You are the coolest school nurse I've met. I can't picture any school nurses from where I grew up doing something like you are going to do today." I didn't think much of that comment then, other than that was an awesome thing to say. But as I have reflected more on that comment, particularly the last line about other not stepping up, I can see how that comment has been a blessing to me.

The second work instance happened during a conversation with a teacher. I was wearing my "union" hat at that time. The teacher had some contract concerns and was feeling unsupported by the administration. As we were conversing and troubleshooting, she stopped me in the middle of my conversation to say, "You know, for someone who has never taught in a classroom, you really get it. I so appreciate your insights." Again, initially I did not think much of the comment. And again, after thinking on it more, I was able to see God's presence in that comment. It was a special moment as I realized that those "insights" are manifestations of the gift of discernment and a blessing from my Heavenly Father.

February was a special month. I'm grateful that I decided to challenge myself to look for God in the details of my life.