What If

I didn't think waiting for the biopsy results would be any big deal. However, I would be less-than-truthful if I didn't admit that I have been thinking somewhat about what the results might be. Mostly, I find myself playing the "what if" game. What if it comes back positive for basal cell carcinoma? How will I feel? What will I do? Will I just get the recommended surgery and then move on as if nothing had happened? Will I use this as a teachable moment? I am a teacher at heart. What if Heavenly Father, knowing what I was going to face, placed me in this position as a school nurse so that I could use my experience as an example to those I have a stewardship over and might influence? What if it comes back worse than basal cell carcinoma? What if it is melanoma? Will I have the strength to face all that that diagnosis and treatment entails? Will I be able to joke like I do right now? Last Saturday as my running buddy and I were out for our run, we talked about the lesion that I had removed. I told her that I had the dermatologist check it out about 10 months ago and he didn't think much about it. What if he was wrong? What if, in that 10-month period of time, the tumor had invaded the tissue surrounding my nose? Then I joked, "Well, at least now I could get the nose job I've been wanting and the insurance will have to pick up the cost." Of course, we both had a good laugh about that. But what if that really is the case? Will I still be able to joke? What if it turns out to be much adieu about nothing? Will this little scare motivate me to change my sun-worshipping behavior and be more diligent about wearing sunscreen? Will I be able to become less concerned about a sun-kissed glow on my cheeks and tan legs during the summer? Hopefull tomorrow will bring some answers. The dermatologist said a week to 10 days to get the biopsy results back. I'll let you know.