A Mother Long Enough to Know It Takes a Village

Last week I received a phone call from one of my sister-in-law's. She was concerned that Katelyn had posted a photo on Facebook that showed Katelyn's physical address. My SIL wanted to know if it was strange that she was concerned; would it be OK to tell Katelyn that she really shouldn't post things like that on Facebook. I had to smile because Dave and I have made several suggestions to Katelyn that she be a little more judicious and selective about the information she shares and she always says we are overreacting and only her friends can see what she posts because that is how she has set her privacy settings. So I told my SIL that she had my permission to parent my child and that maybe hearing from someone not her parent would prove more effective. I told my SIL that I  have been a mom long enough to not be offended when someone wants to parent my child/ren.

As I said those words I finally gained an understanding on what the phrase "it takes a village" really means. I used to be so offended by that phrase, as if by adhering to that notion was abdicating my responsibility as a parent. It doesn't mean that at all. It means to maintain fully responsibility to your parental duties but also be humble enough to know that you alone won't have all the answers on how to raise your child. The trick is in forming your community. It is imperative that you surround yourself with good people; people who share your core values. If you do that, you can trust their advice/guidance even if their parenting style isn't exactly like yours.

As my children have grown and they are influenced more by peers than parents, I knew I needed to rely on others in my community to help guide them or offer me some words of wisdom. You see, raising children can be so emotional and when you are in the thick of emotion sometimes it is difficult to see the situation clearly or to break from techniques that are comfortable, even if those techniques have been ineffective in the past. True, no one knows your child like you do, but sometimes a fresh set of eyes can lend a new perspective that just might cause you to pause and think about your own actions; reflection can be a powerful tool for personal improvement.

It has taken me several years (oh I'm guessing about 14 or so) to reach this point. I know I have said in the past "Don't tell me how to parent my child" but those words were usually said out of defense, when I was feeling attacked. Looking back on those situations I now realize the person wasn't trying to attack, and probably not really even trying to parent, just simply adding a fresh perspective to a situation that probably really could have used some fresh air instead of the same old stale argument.

I'm not sure if my SIL sent a Facebook message to Katelyn or not. Even if she didn't, I'm grateful that she thought about it. I have a good community filled with people I trust so go ahead, parent my children. I have been a mom long enough to know I don't have all the answers. But don't you dare break my trust...you hurt my children and the it could get real ugly.