I Just Can't Do It

I just can't do it.

Try as I might I can't leave a friend behind during a run. Any run. Doesn't matter if it is just a training run or a race, if you are struggling I will stay with you. Even if it means that I sacrifice my chance of getting a PR or placing in my age group.

I have had runs (and races) where I have struggled mightily just to finish. I know how hard that journey is and I don't want to see anyone face it alone. I want to help my fellow runner reach the finish line because I know how much joy and satisfaction can come from just reaching the finish line of a run that has been beyond hard and otherwise disappointing.

David doesn't understand this at all. He always tells me to run my own race (or run). And to tell you the truth, I really do start off with every intention of doing just that. But then if someone from the group starts to falter and fall behind, all of that "just run your own race" goes right out the window and I silently make the commitment to help that person finish. And the moment I make that commitment to myself, I completely forget about what I might be missing out on and focus solely on that person and providing them the encouragement they need, whether that is vocal "you can do it" or silently running alongside them carefully pacing them along.

So my friends, if you are falling behind I will help you. Please don't feel guilty about this (although if you truly do not want me to stay behind with you, I will respect that and move on) because I really want to be there with you, helping in any way that I can to get you to the end.

I had a couple of more thoughts after I hit "publish". First I want to clarify something about training runs. If we are running a speedwork training run, I might leave someone behind. I love speedwork. I enjoy seeing how hard I can push myself during those runs. I enjoy reaching the "I think I might vomit" stage. That's sick, I know.

Second, I absolutely do not expect others to wait for me. I know we all run/race for different reasons. Some of my running sisters run to see how hard they can go, trying to PR. Others run for emotional release. I don't begrudge anyone their reasons for running and I don't expect them to give up on their reasons just because I might be having a hard time. I have learned that most of my reasons for running revolve around running with my running sisters. Well and to say to myself, "Take that 41-year old body with all of your crazy food allergies, wacky thryoid/thermostat regulation, and perimenopausal hormones. Just look at what you can do!" But primarily, running for me is about the bonding that goes on during our time together.

So my friends, if we are running and you are stronger than me on that day, during that race, I will say "Go. Go be your best for today. I'll get this done and I'll be OK." And I will mean it. I will want to you to press forward and I will cheer you from behind for as long as you are in my sights.

Long-distance Parenting

This long-distance parenting is a little harder than I thought it would be.

First you worry about such things as what is your child eating. Did you teach them enough about balanced meals that she is making good choices? Maybe you should have spent more time having her help and prepare meals while she was at home.

Then you worry about if your child is getting enough sleep. How is she making it to her 7:45 a.m. class when she is staying up until 1 a.m.?

You also find yourself worrying about how classes are going for her and how her grades are. You can't ask too often because she gets really offended if you do. But you really want to ask because you know how hard college can be, especially if you tend to be a procrastinator and you know she used to be when she was in high school.

Worrying about if she is warm enough is also totally legit as your daughter is attending college in Iceberg Rexburg and they already have snow. You know you should have insisted just a little bit harder that she take a winter coat and snow boots, but she just kept saying "I'll be fine." And so you let her go off without a winter coat or snow boots hoping it didn't suck too bad to learn "you should have listened to your mom."

Even with all of those worries, the thing that I find most difficult about long-distance parenting is when she is hurt or sick. Trying to make a good assessment is really difficult through text messaging, but that is the preferred method of communication so you do your best. It is hard knowing that you can't really do anything to make it better, no saying "I'll get you scheduled to see the doctor." Nope, you just have to hope that whatever it is, it isn't too serious and if it turns serious that your child is smart enough to go to the campus health clinic or nearby urgent care center.

But still it's pretty scary not being there and not being able to get a good feel for what is going on, especially if they have a few hallmarks of a rather serious communicable disease (meningitis anyone?). I mean how do you get across to your child the urgentness (is that a word?) that they should seek out medical attention sooner rather than later if she has had the worst migraine of her life for 3 days, can't look down at her belly button without pain, and she "felt like a vampire reacting to the light" when she turned on the bathroom light that morning. YIKES!

Yes, long-distance parenting is hard, very hard.

PS She finally did make it to the urgent care center after I called her and woke her up from her nap to see what they said. I was a little perturbed that she had not gone right away. Anyway, the doctor didn't think she had meningitis, but the migraine lasted until last night.

So How LDS Are You?

About 6 months ago I was at a working dinner for our union's executive board. As the waiter was coming around to take drink orders, the president of the union leaned over to me and asked, "So how LDS are you?" He was obviously trying to gage if I was going to follow the "no alcohol" tenet or bend the rules a little so as to be part of the group.

"Well I'll be drinking water today if you want to know. I'm LDS enough to follow the "no alcohol" rule even if everyone else is drinking." That seemed to satisfy him and the conversation moved on to something else.

Then last weekend I attended a SNOW conference (School Nurses of Washington). Since the boys were off deer hunting and the conference was being held at the Davenport, I decided to stay downtown. I asked if any of my colleagues wanted to share the room. Two of the nurses from our district said they would love to.

As we were checking in one of them started talking about the Bicardi and lemonade she brought. The other said she had brought the wine. Then they both turned to me and asked "So are you going to be drinking with us tonight?"

"No" I replied.

"Man I thought for sure tonight would be the night," was the response I got.

What ever gave them that idea?

Why would the union president ask me about LDS I am?

I have to admit that these two situations have caused me to pause and ask myself what I might be doing or saying that would cause these individuals to question my religious convictions. After some honest reflection, I can't identify anything that would have given the impression that somehow my moral compass adjusts to the situation and I would readily compromise my religious convictions just to fit in with the group norm.

So how LDS am I?

I am LDS enough to follow the dietary restrictions set forth in the Word of Wisdom even if others in the group are doing something different.

I am LDS enough to willingly spend 3 hours at church every Sunday.

I am LDS enough to want to serve others in whatever way I can.

I strive to be LDS enough that I can be like this woman (I know we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, but this lady is awesome)

I want to be LDS enough that no one has to ask "how LDS are you". They will know that I know Christ and his gospel, that I love it, and I live it. They will know that I am trying to be a good disciple of Christ.

I hope to live by these words from Thomas S. Monson:
"Fill your minds with knowledge. Fill your hearts with love. Fill your lives with service."

Here are the Racks

So the guys had a great weekend as you can see.

Rich shot the biggest deer. He got his Saturday afternoon.

Carson had the next biggest. He got his shortly after Rich shot his. Dave was standing on a plateau trying to help Rich get his deer gutted and watching Carson through binoculars. Dave said it was pretty exciting to watch the events unfold as Carson tagged his first deer.

Unfortunately, Carson shot his late in the afternoon and Dave was already helping Rich get his out. That meant that Carson wouldn't be able to get his deer out that night. So the solution was to cut the head off and Dave left his shirt on the carcass. The head was cut off so some other hunter couldn't walk off with Carson's deer. The shirt was left on the carcass in hopes of deterring any critter who might want a snack. Each solution worked. The next morning the body was still where it was left and it was untouched.

Dave had the smallest, but it was still big. He shot his almost right off the bat Saturday morning. Rich joked that Dave finally was big enough to get his deer out all by himself.

And now for a few more pictures...

Men Who Stare at Racks

I think it is safe to say that for my boys there are 5 days each year that they await with eager anticipation: their birthday, Christmas Eve/Christmas, and Opening Deer Season Eve/Opening Deer Season. Today marks the latter.

The shopping has been done. The gear is packed. Now they just have to wait until the afternoon before they can leave for deer camp. Part of me hopes that they will see many racks this weekend, and at least a couple of them legal-to-shoot. That way when the guys return on Sunday they can come in beating their chests while saying "We men. We bring home meat." They are always so proud of themselves when they have had a successful hunt. But another part of me is hoping that the bucks will remain in hiding because our chest freezer still holds most of last year's deer.

But I know whatever the outcome, the boys will have some great memories and funny stories to share. That is the part that I am always eager to have them share with me.

I hesitate to post this today because I have been doing pretty good with my new venture into a "glass half-full" outlook. However, I see this commercial Every.Single.Morning and it irritates that crap out of me. So I am hoping that by typing out my feelings and then posting it I will be able to move forward and continue on with my foray into optimism.

 

 

I wish YouTube had the full version that I see daily. What the YouTube version cuts out is some of what irritates me makes me the most angry about the TV version.

 

The first couple of viewings all I noticed was the constant one-upmanship that was going on at the playground. And then I watched it closer and this is when I really became almost angry at this commercial.

 

The message about safe carseats was totally lost to me because I was seeing red due to the subtle, "mean girl" bullying that occurs for the length of this commercial.

 

Watch the commercial carefully.

 

Do you see it?

 

First, let's start with the fact that the ad company felt like they needed to portray a "dumpy" mom. She is dressed in a polo shirt tucked into khakis. She is also several pounds heavier than the other women in the video.

 

Second, they portray this mom as somewhat insecure. Notice how she is sitting away from the crowd when everyone else is standing. She also can't let go of her poor kid and instead continues to rub in sunscreen for a much longer time than is necessary...says security blanket to me.

 

Next, this woman tries to add to the conversation only to be COMPLETELY shut down by another woman.

 

Did you see the look she got when she responded, after being shut down, "I was going to say that"? Every time I see that brunette woman roll her eyes and look down her nose at that poor mom, I want to jump through my TV screen and slap the brunette upside the head. (Oh, I think that might actually occur only in the TV version.)

 

And the final insult? When the woman does offer something to the conversation, she gets an almost "duh" reaction when the brunette woman responds "That's obvious" and both the Asian woman and the token male look away.

 

How ironic is it that the government that makes us show anti-bullying propaganda information in schools produces a public service announcement that is fully of typical "mean girl" bullying behavior?

 

A more appropriate closing to the commercial should be...

 

"Do you know that children watch you carefully to see how you treat and speak to others?" Parents who really know are kind, considerate, and treat others with respect, not disdain and condescension.

 

Whew. Rant over. I think I am ready to move on. Sometimes I do over-react and read more into a situation than what is there so sharing my views (and getting feedback from others) helps me see the other side of the coin.

 

 

But here is a positive YouTube video...

Another Sweet Kid Moment

This week has been a good week for sweet kid moments.

There was yesterday's moment with Katelyn; the moment when she told me I couldn't over do her birthday wishes. It made me smile knowing that at least on her birthday I could repeat myself several times and not irritate the crap out of her.

And the night before yesterday Carson and I had our own sweet moment.

Here's how that went down.

Dave, Carson and I were watching X Factor. There was a young man who totally blew his Boot Camp Audition. It was so sad to watch it happen. And then when he was interviewed backstage, with tears in his eyes, he says "I just want my mom."

Dave looks at me. I have my sad face on. He looks at Carson, then back at me and says:
-Go hug your boy.
I say:
-He won't want a hug from me.
Carson says:
-I want a hug.

I was out of my chair so fast and across the room before Carson had any time to change his mind. As I was hugging him he said:
-I don't mind hugs from you at all Mom.

Awww.
Sometimes these kids still melt my heart.
Love you both so much.

Happy Birthday, Katelyn

Today is Katelyn's 19th birthday.
It is so strange to not have her home to celebrate with her.
But her Facebook post would indicate that her roommates made sure she had a great day.

She doesn't know it, but she totally made my day this morning.
Here's why.

I texted her the following:
-Would posting Happy Birthday on your wall, texting you Happy Birthday, and calling you later today to wish you Happy Birthday be too much?
-No

I was completely expecting a "yes, too much Mom" answer.
So when I got a "no", I was so happy.
That meant I could call her this afternoon and not feel like it was too much.
And be worried that she would be grumpy because it was too much.

We had a nice chat this afternoon.
She sounded so happy.
And definitely having a good birthday.
Her being happy made me happy.

So one more "Happy Birthday, Kate."
We love you very much.

Flying in Formation

Almost every morning for the last two weeks I have heard the noisy honking of geese as they fly over my house on their southward journey. When I hear the honking I step out onto my deck just to watch them fly in formation. I marvel at how they rotate through and that even though the transition can sometimes be messy, they quickly reform the infamous V. I absolutely love watching them fly and watching the teamwork.

Today as I was watching a group fly over my house I thought about church lessons I had heard in the past relating the flight of geese to different relationships (visiting teaching and Relief Society are the ones most often described). I wondered who I would identify as "lifter"--someone who honked from behind to keep me going just a little bit longer. I didn't readily identify anyone from my ward, but I know that if I really was feeling drug down and needing a lift surely there would be someone from church I could call--maybe they would be in my ward, maybe in a neighboring ward.

But today as I was talking to one of my nurse colleagues I knew at that moment I was part of a group where we all take turns "honking". My friend and I talked about how each of us seems to have a niche where we are strong--one is an excellent writer of care plans and if you need help with that, call Christa; one has mad triage skills and excellent dealing with mental health issues, so if you have a question about triage or need mental health referral, call Deb. And the list went on until we realized that we each play an important role in supporting each other.

School nursing can sometimes be a lonely job. Yes, you are in a building (or several) and interact with lots of different people, but only a few (10 in our district) really get what you do all day because they do it to. Today I am enjoying the moment...the moment of realizing that I am flying in formation with some great ladies.

21 Days of Following Thumper's Mom

It may surprise you to know that I am generally a "glass half-empty"-type. That is the sad truth. And I generally find it easier to default to my natural tendancy than to make the intentional decision to say things in a more positive manner. And the only reason I find it easier is simply because I have allowed it to become a bad habit.

And every month for about 10 days the Eeyore in me really comes out and my natural tendency towards pessimism is on hyper-drive. I try not to spread the dark cloud of doom to those who I interact with regularly. The boys will tell you that that is a FAIL.

So for the next 21 days (that's the generally accepted time frame for breaking a habit) I will make the intentional decision to find the positive, to watch my "phrasology" and state things in a positive, supportive manner, and not speak negatively. Pretty much I will be following Thumper's mom advice: "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." Except I will be going out of my way to say something nice since not saying anything at all doesn't seem to be working for me.

And it's a good thing I decided to go this route because I have a whole string of things that I am irritated by, frustrated about, mad at,  find ridiculous etc. and I really need to shift my focus. If those things are still bugging me in 21 days, maybe I'll blog about them then.