Finally, Not Cold Cereal

I finally planned ahead and got a dinner prepared for tonight.

It was nothing fancy. Oven bbq'd chicken, carrot sticks, fruit.

I was so proud of myself to finally have prepared a family meal.

I think it was the first time for this school year.

But it was just Carson and me.

That seems to be how it has gone since school started, one or two somebody's are always gone for dinner.

I think that's why we usually just have cold cereal.

Heaven help us when we are empty-nesters. I won't want to be bothered at all to cook.

And eating out is too much of a bother.

Poor Dave. He better improve his culinary skills for his own benefit and survival.

He has a couple of years to figure it out.

Or be prepared to buy stock in a cold cereal company.

I'm Here, Really I Am

Things have been busy.

Busier than usual it feels like.

The last two weeks, we have had something on the calendary every night. (sometimes more than one thing).

I can't even remember everything that has kept us out of the house.

If you saw our kitchen table you would know we have been busy.

Because it is covered with papers.

It only gets covered with papers when we haven't been home to eat family dinners.

We've gone through almost 12 boxes of cereal the last 2 weeks because that is our "go to" meal when things are crazy.

I want things to become less busy.

But busy is actually good.

It keeps my mind off of things like the fact that Katelyn is a senior and turning 18 in a couple of weeks.

Busy also keeps me distracted from the sadness I feel about Grandma Carol's passing.

She passed this morning. She will leave a hole that will never completely fill.

Busy helps fill the hole. But sometimes during the busy, I find myself tripping over that hole and then my eyes starting leaking because of the hurt.

Champagne Dreams on a Beer Budget

We are shopping for a new car.

I don't like the process at all.

We are in a transition time, not quite ready to completely get rid

of the SUV, but also ready for something a little smaller.

I want something with the bells and whistles.

I'm ready for something with the bells and whistles.

Our finances can't quite support something with the bells and whistles.

Because we pay cash for our cars.

The SUV has been a good car, but it's starting to show its age.

We would like to replace it sooner rather than later.

Did I already mention that our cash reserves are not quite there yet?

So what are we looking for?

I have no idea!

But here are my must haves:

Somewhat practical...

(meaning cargo area for the dog & gear)

Good gas mileage

Reliable

Under 30,000 miles

Heated leather seats

Dual front power seats

Sunroof

All-wheel drive

Power liftgate

Rear back-up sensors

Sirius radio set-up

Bluetooth capability

Smokin' deal

Any suggestions?

Blech, It was a Long Week

I forget how hard it is to adjust to the working full-time gig. The lazy days of summer overnight turn into a frenetic-paced long days of work. Everyone is tired, which causes crankiness. The crankiness raises the stress level of all family members and tension in the house is palpable. I know it will calm down after a couple of weeks, but for now it's "blech."

There isn't a first day of school picture because the kids didn't have to go to school until 11:15 a.m. on the first day of school; therefore, they weren't ready when I had to go to school. I missed documenting Katelyn's "last first day of school." Blech. But at least I got a "second day of school" picture. And for some reason, the picture is turning out all fuzzy when I post it to the blog. Blech.

I'm so inundated with paperwork at work that I haven't been able to see any kiddos. Blech.

Carson missed his first driver with the driving school. That cost us an additional $30. Blech.

Katelyn got to the testing center late so she couldn't take her ACT. She called to tell me that and I really snapped at her. Blech.

Worrying about Katelyn getting into college totally stresses me out. When I'm stressed, I turn into a not very nice mom. Blech.

I thought I finally found a new car to buy. The sales manager was a total jerk and kept us waiting for the numbers while he was out smoking a cigarette. Then once he found out we weren't interested in financing, he was no longer interested in negotiating selling the car. We wasted a whole afternoon. Blech.

Last night we went to the fair. But Katelyn refused to go. I was hoping that she would grant us just this one last "going to the fair as a family" tradition. But she didn't. Blech.

Today is 9/11/2011. It is the 10th anniversary of the terror attacks on the United States. And now I seem like a total jerk and whiner for blogging about how bad my week was last week. Blech.

It's got to get better next week, right?

A Parenting Success? I Think So.

Carson doesn't usually offer up much talk about what was discussed in priesthood class, even when prodded and asked specific questions. And he for sure doesn't bring it up on his own, except for today. Today, the lesson irritated him and he told us all about it. It was a good conversation.

The lesson was on the delicate nature of women. The teacher spoke of how women needed to be treated with care because they are delicate. He also stated that women should stay home and cook and clean, but shouldn't be expected to do such things as yard work. Ugh! Are you kidding me? I had no idea this was still a commonly held notion taught to the young men. Carson was so offend by this lesson because he felt that it greatly diminished women and made women sound as if they didn't have any ability to fend for themselves or express any sort of coherent, intelligent thought.

I was so proud to hear that Carson had the good sense to state that in our family everyone is treated equally and that he wasn't buying into the notion that "women are delicate". The teacher didn't believe that was really the case. The teacher told Carson that he thought surely the girls in our family would never be asked to do such a thing as scoop up the dog poop because "they were daddy's little princesses." Carson replied that indeed it is Katelyn who scoops the yard while Carson mows. He also went on to say that he unloads the dishwasher and Katelyn loads it. Carson could have also shared that they are expected to sort their own laundry on laundry day, help fold the clothes, and are responsible for putting away their own clothes. He also could have shared how I am the one who pays the bills and has a better idea of the budget although major purchases are discussed between both parents, and sometimes the whole family. Carson could have shared that I have a higher college degree than David. But I think he shared enough to get the point across that while women need to be treated with respect, they do not need to be treated as delicate, fragile flowers.

The conversation then turned to what lessons are presented in Young Women's. Katelyn said that the young women's lessons usually revolve around how the girls have to help the young men honor their priesthood and not behave immorally because, you know, boys will be boys and all they think about is sex. I find this message as equally disturbing as the message that Carson heard in priesthood. Basically, the girls are being taught that men are bad and it's only the sweet-spirited girls who can save them from themselves. Fortunately, Katelyn realizes that boys are responsible for themselves and she is responsible for herself and her actions. She expects boys to treat her with respect, and she treats them with respect.

We finished the discussion stating that if you just treat everyone with respect, you can't go wrong. We also talked about the fact that whether you are a girl or a boy does not automatically relegate you to certain roles. You can pretty much do anything you set your mind to. David and I both testified that above all else, being a parent is the best job in the world and we loved both of them very much and were proud of them for standing up and sharing how things work in our family.

Whisperings of the Spirit

Last Sunday's lesson was on Elder Bednar's talk The Spirit of Revelation. There were the usual stories shared about how listening to the Holy Ghost and following the prompting provided an immediate manifestation that the right thing had been done. The teacher did try to acknowledge that not always do the manifestations come quickly. One sister shared that is how her husband felt about their move to Spokane--they felt very inspired/prompted to move, but thus far no overt sign of why they are here has been given. But even with the teacher guiding the discussion towards "we don't always know right away why we received a certain prompting" and the sister sharing her story, the other comments kept revolving around the theme of immediate manifestation. Up until about 10 months ago, this lesson would have left me feeling very sad and incomplete because most of my interactions with the Spirit have revolved around inspiration of where to find a lost/misplaced object (usually my car keys or wedding ring).  I identified myself in the quote from Elder Bednar:

We as members of the Church tend to emphasize marvelous and dramatic spiritual manifestations so much that we may fail to appreciate and my even overlook the customary pattern by which the Holy Ghost accomplishes His work...I have talked with many individuals who question the strength of their personal testimony and underestimate their spiritual capacity because they do not receive frequent, miraculous, or strong impressions. (emphasis added).

I am guilty of the emphasis added part. I often doubted by spiritual capacity because I didn't have what I considered quintessential stories of personal revelation. I felt like a failure and a fake because I didn't seem to be the visiting teacher who had the inspiration to drop off a plate of cookies at the right time. Or the neighbor who just "knew" that someone needed to be visited at that very moment. I was never a missionary who was guided to just the right door. I felt like I must not be doing something right because I didn't have any dramatic stories to share.

Oh and how I wanted to have some of those stories. I prayed fervently that I might be that inspired visiting teacher, neighbor, member missionary, etc. I tried hard to be in tune with the Spirit and sensitive to His whisperings. I remember one time that I thought for sure that I had felt an inspiration to visit a certain sister. I thought as I was driving to her house, "yes, finally I will be that person who come just at the right moment." And yet when I arrived at the sister's house all well was well. I'm sure she was glad for my visit, but she sure didn't appear to need anything and she didn't express that she had been praying for someone to visit. I left feeling defeated and questioning whether I felt the Spirit at all. Another time I thought I felt inspired to give a copy of the Book of Mormon to a dear friend. I was nervous to do so, but I felt the inspiration. I trusted the advice given in all the lessons and talks about missionary work that if we just follow the inspiration everything will work out and often times the friendship will be strengthened. Unfortunately, that was not my experience. My friend slowly began to distance herself from me and never acknowledged receiving the Book. Again, I felt like a failure and questioned why in the world I was not hearing the Holy Ghost properly.

I believe that those feelings of inadequacy were significant contributors to my crisis of faith last October. Why should I continue with being a Mormon, if I couldn't even correctly identify the whisperings of the Holy Ghost and didn't have any stories to show how righteously I was living. In my mind, righteous living was evidenced by the number of stories you had to share about following promptings and immediately seeing the results. My inspiration to find lost items seemed so elementary, nay, rudimentary. Shouldn't I be more developed than that in my relationship with the Holy Ghost? After all, I have been a member whole life and received the gift of having the Holy Ghost as my constant companion at age 8. As I struggled with my weakening testimony, I turned once again to my Heavenly Father and He did indeed answer my prayers.

He enlightened my mind. I realized that the types of stories I was seeking to add to my life were not necessarily my gift. The Holy Ghost whispered to me at other times and for other purposes. The Spirit always guided me as I was writing the Primary program for the years I was serving in the Primary Presidency. He always guides me as I prepare talks or lessons. I have people witness to me that His presence has been felt as I have given the lesson and guided the discussion. I really can't discount those inspirations for finding lost objects; those are small manifestations to me that my Heavenly Father loves me and is concerned about all aspects of my life. Most importantly the Holy Ghost provides inspiration and guidance in decisions that will be important to my family.

I am grateful for Elder Wirthlin's wise words:

The Lord did not people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the piccolos of the world. Every instrument is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly Father's children is different to some degree, yet each has his own beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole.

I have learned that we all hear the whisperings of the Spirit in different ways and for different purposes. Some are gifted to hear the whisperings that guide them to the soul that is in need of comfort or direction. Others are gifted to hear the whisperings to save them or someone else from danger. And still others are gifted to hear the whisperings of the Holy Ghost as lessons, talks (and maybe even blog posts) are prepared.

I've also learned that I am OK and when I find myself starting to compare myself to others I just remember the words of Elder Wirthlin. And the words on a small figurine I used to have when I was young, "God don't make no junk."

Blog-writing Brain Block

I have several ideas for blog posts, but my brain is tired and sitting down to blog causes all thoughts to flee immediately. But I was productive in other ways today.

I bottled 10 quarts of peaches. I took Carson back-to-school clothes shopping. It was easier than expected and we were successful in the endeavor. We also made a short trip to Costco. And I made a ymmy dinner for Dave and me--grilled portabello burgers with provolone cheese. Carson balked at eating the mushroom burger so he had a bowl of cereal.

Tomorrow is a full work day reviewing immunization records and getting geared up for the first day of school. And maybe I'll get one of those post ideas blogged.