I Do Not Understand

In all of my school memories I cannot recall a time when I was not concerned about my performance and hence my grades. Getting good grades was important to me; I based a lot of my self-worth on the grades I received. Fortunately I loved learning and I was blessed with a strong intellect so I was usually able to achieve the goals I had set for myself regarding grades. I put a lot of time and energy in getting good grades. There were a few hiccups in my performance (freshman year of college was the worst), but I fixed what was wrong and got right back to working hard to get the A's I was striving for.

I know that there are all kinds of learners and everyone performs differently. I know that some people, like me, are very invested in their grades and there are those who are invested in their grades, who try hard but just fall somewhere in the middle. There are others who could care less what their GPA shows. And there are still others who don't even bother trying. It is the last two groups that I just don't understand. I don't understand why those students don't/won't take advantage of the situation they are in, be invested in their learning, and perform their best.

I also don't understand how it is that my kids appear to fall somewhere in the range of underperforming/not caring realm. I'm pretty sure Dave and I never intentionally gave the impression that grades don't matter. I'm equally sure that we didn't try to put unrealistic expectations on them, requiring ridiculous amounts of study to achieve perfection. I actually thought we provided a pretty balanced approach to school performance. Apparently this notion is completely wrong and somewhere along the way we failed them both miserably. I wish I knew where so I could warn other parents away from that route.

I also know that both Katelyn and Carson of the ages where they really need to be the ones to be more invested in their learning/education than Dave and me. I need to let some things go. But then I have conversations like the following and I get completely frustrated and self-critical (because obviously I missed some important parenting milestone):

Katelyn: I don't know how such and such program will help me.

Me: It gives you a chance to think about just writing, not the mechanics of writing. Sometimes when your brain doesn't have to focus on the mechanics, the words come easier. How are you doing in your writing and dramatic analysis classes?

Katelyn: I'm not sure. I haven't checked.


Bah! How can you be halfway through  your semester and you haven't checked what your grades are in the classes that you know will give you some difficulty? I don't understand that. So frustrating.