I'm Probably Doing It Wrong, Again

I said before that parenting young adults and older teen-agers is a whole new ball game, right? I mean, you can't really send a 20-year old to time out or put a 17-year old in his room when we all need a break. They would just laugh and scoff at those attempts. And besides that, they have lived with you long enough to know exactly what you care about, how to push your buttons and what words to say to push you right to the edge. And when you are hanging over the cliff, clinging desperately to the edge, instead of apologizing for their role in putting you there they'll see your struggle and then stomp on your fingers trying to finish off what they started. They want to see you fall into that pit of anger and frustration because seeing you there is much easier than dealing with the real issues. And quite honestly, even though you are the adult and know exactly what they are doing, it is really dang hard not to go directly to that pit. It is hard to remain loving, kind, patient and understanding when you know that their actions and words are intentional, maybe immature, but intentional nonetheless. I suppose the hurtful words and actions are inevitable and part of the process of separating from parents. But I'm not going to lie, it pretty much sucks when we are going through the process.

Right now it is Carson who has decided to push. First it was about church. He hates. Everyone is stupid. He wants to go somewhere else. Now it wrestling. He doesn't want us to come to his matches. He says he doesn't like us there. He says he feels to much pressure to please.  He says he can't focus on his performance when he knows we are in the stands watching. He does want to wrestle, he just doesn't want us there to see him wrestle. The boy really does know how to pick some of the most sensitive, important issues and attack them. I mean, church and wrestling have been a big part of his entire life, heck a big part of our family life.

So what to do? Well, honestly, I am not sure and I don't think there are any right answers here. First, with church, I told him that as long as he is in high school he must attend church with us. Once he graduates, he can look for something different. I told him I would even attend other churches with him as he is searching. The only request that I had was that he conduct his search prayerfully so that he would know God's will for him. For wrestling, we are going to honor his request and not attend his matches. We'll wait for an invitation to come back. I hope his season goes as he has planned.

I wish we had a crystal ball to see if what we have decided to do is the right decision. Seriously, this is hard and I wish that I knew 100% that we are doing it right and that all will turn out well.