Althernate title: I thought the Universe was trying to tell me something
26-year-old marathoner dies at the finish line of the London Marathon. Two runners collapse and die before the finish line at the Philadelphia Marathon. Another runner dies at the Las Vegas Marathon. The Los Angeles Rock 'n Roll Marathon participant dies of a heart attack during the race.
The risk of sudden cardiac death is associated with marathon running, although the risk is quite small (1 in 50,000).
I'm prone to anxiety, especially when I am facing something I have never done or attempted before. When I get anxious I tend to think really irrational thoughts and try to find some "message" in things that are probably just a matter of coincidence.
Right now I'm feeling a little anxious about my up-coming marathon. When I read all the above mentioned things on the Internet recently I felt sure that those were somehow a message to me that I was going to be one of those stories. They seemingly all were predictions that my fate at the finish of the marathon will be one of tragedy.
Those thoughts caused a particularly emotional day on Friday, especially since I had just finished another not-so-great run. I felt so tired during that run and it wasn't even particularly long...8.5 miles. My friend texted me in the middle of all that emotion after the run to let me know she had just changed her entry from the half to the full. I texted her back and told her she was going to do great. Her responses was that I was going to do great, too. I said I'm sure I'll do great doing the half. And then she said "Shut up! We are going to do this! TOGETHER!! because I'd be scared and lonely without you!
And then I was even more of a mess. She has had some great runs lately and I don't want to hold her back. She's tenacious and when she has a goal set, she just goes for it and doesn't let anything stop her. I admire that quality about her.
So I'm just hoping that all of this emotion and anxiousness is because I'm in my taper and I've heard that tapering can cause people to think weird things. Although, mostly I've heard that people start going a little stir-crazy because they aren't doing as many miles. Maybe my stir-craziness is just manifesting itself as anxiousness.
That's probably it. I'm pretty sure that's it since running is a sanity-saving activity for me.
So deep breath. No more reading Runner's World for the next two weeks. Say positive affirmations every day. Remember that the hardest part--all the training--is done. The only failure is not trying. And courage...for the Lord is on my side.
6 comments:
At this point, I'm not so sure about running being sanity-saving for you..........
I second your mom
I can understand how you might think that after reading this blog post. However, running really is a mood-elevator for me.
The stress and anxiety comes when thinking about "racing." I worry about meeting the time goal I've set. I worry about pushing too hard to meet that goal. I worry about wimping out, not meeting my goal, and then being mad at myself for not being tough enough. I worry that my body won't respond well if I push too hard to meet my goal.
Those are the thoughts that cause the anxious feelings. And that is why I keep saying to myself "the only failure is not trying."
Maybe you need to take the racing & goal-setting out of running & keep it just as a stress releving activity. Just a thought -why break something that has been working?
Definitely no more Runners World for you! Start now with the positive thoughts. No more doubting. Think of how many people start and finish the race perfectly fine with no issues. You have done the work. You have no reason to doubt yourself. You Can Do This!
You are such a strong runner. You are so knowledgable and capable. You'll do great. Can't wait to see you there!
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