High school graduation: not a problem
Dropping of for freshman year of college: not a problem
Send off for a mission: not a problem
Moving to a new home in Utah: Houston, we have a problem!
I was completely unprepared for how hard this most recent good-bye was going to be. The finality of the situation was overwhelming. Realizing that this move was closing the long chapter entitled "dependent child" left me in tears. A friend recently said that life is a balance of holding on and letting go. No truer words have been spoken and I felt the impact of those words in full force as we said good-bye to our sweet Katelyn on Saturday.
We moved her down to Logan on Friday. It is so weird to know that the next time she returns to our home she will be returning as a newlywed. I'm happy that she has found the special guy to share her life with and create new memories with. But! I'm sad at the same time. I'm sad that I probably missed many parenting moments: parenting moments that would let Katelyn know I love her fiercely. Now I worry that I didn't show it enough. Parenting moments that I could have taught her more. Now I worry that I didn't teach her enough. I'm sad for those hypothetical missed moments.
I'm glad that she will be able to spend more time with Michael before the wedding. But all that time she is spending creating new memories with him and his family is time that we are missing creating memories with her. The fact that I am sad about that makes me sound incredibly selfish. Maybe I am. I'm just having a little bit of trouble adjusting to this.
And just when I think I have a handle on things, I walk by her very empty room (at least is now clean!) and I find my eyes welling up with tears. I have to tell myself to knock it off. She didn't die. She is completely happy. She will come and visit. And this is part of raising children. It is the natural progression of things.
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