Let's Celebrate Kate!

This lady right here...I'm so dang proud of her and love being able to say that I am her mom. She is another great example of grit.

School never came super easy to Katelyn. Reading and math, you know the core components of the educational process, were her biggest hurdles. There were many tears and long nights of homework from middle school through high school. We provided a lot of scaffolding around Katelyn in order to keep her going. Through her hard work and our support, she graduated from high school with a decent GPA (above a 3.0) and headed off to college.

Unfortunately, college wasn't a great experience. The classes were overwhelming and she didn't have the close support from us. After her first semester of college, and not understanding why she was having such a difficult time with learning, we took her to have some testing done. Turns out she has a learning disability that affects her working memory and processing speed. Oiy, if there were do-overs for parenting, I would take one on this. I would have had her tested much earlier so we would have been better prepared sending her off to college.

At the start of second semester, Katelyn took her test results and did get a 504 plan to get accommodations for testing and assignments. We were hopeful that this would be helpful and Katelyn would be able to find the success we knew she was capable of. It turned out not to be quite enough. The second semester finished not much better than the first and Katelyn felt pretty defeated.

She took an 18-month break from school and served a mission for our church.

Once she returned from her mission, and not wanting to completely give up on her college dreams, she returned to school. She was there for only a month or so when the stress became too much and she wound up very sick. We brought her home to re-group.

During the re-grouping time, she got married and moved back to Logan. She worked as a waitress and wrestled with what her long-term education/vocational plans were. After about a year, she and her husband moved to Spokane (yay!) so Katelyn could go to massage therapy school.

And in massage therapy school is where success happened. Katelyn was totally in her element. She was doing something she really loved (and she is super good at doing massage!). She found her confidence again and got her mojo back. It was so awesome to watch her begin to shine again!

She excelled in her hands-on classes as well as on her written exams. She was often the student people requested when they came to massage clinic.

She graduated as one of the top students in her class.

The only hurdle she faced was the state licensing exam. The teachers and other students had talked about how the statistics for successfully passing the test on the first try weren't great. Ugh, that is the last thing that Katelyn really needed to hear. And then Katelyn's study buddy failed the test on her first try. Again, not what Katelyn needed.

She sent me a text saying she was really freaking out. I knew she would be because she has suffered from test anxiety in the past. But my return text didn't say anything validating the freak-out mode. I encouraged her to start saying positive affirmations to herself, meditating and picturing herself being calm and confident on test day.

And then I started offering up many prayers on her behalf.

Well, I haven't received a play-by-play on how exactly the test went, but she did send a text saying that she passed it without a problem!

This girl is now a licensed massage therapist and she is going to do great things. The words "give up" aren't in her vocabulary. She knows how to work hard and she knows that the best results come from working hard.

I am so proud of the woman she has grown up to be.

Where Has the Time Gone?

I sit here on the floor of my family room with Shark Week on in the background and stare at the computer. My daughter, Katelyn, has been asking why I don't blog any more. I don't really have a good answer for her. It sounds lame to say that I had more to blog about when the kids were home; that somehow I am only interesting if I had kid stories to tell. I didn't want my identity and stories to be wrapped up in being a momma to growing kids because what would happen to me (and my blog) when the kids were grown? 

But even though I didn't want things to happen like that, I did let it happen. I fell into the trap of thinking that I didn't have anything worth blogging about if I didn't have a kid story to tell. I didn't think people would want to read about my own daily activities, or my skewed, sometimes snarky, view of things. But I guess Katelyn really is interested in those things, because she keeps asking when I'm going to start blogging again.

So, ready or not...

I'm blogging again.

About Geese

Autumn has arrived and so has one of my favorite activities.

I love to watch geese flying in formation.

I used to jealous of their flight, knowing that the were heading to warm climes.

Now I don't envy their journey; I know how arduous it must be.

Now, I marvel at the teamwork and support.

The other day I was watching a large flock flying in formation.

One goose broke off and headed out on her own.
I was surprised to see that not one other goose left the group.

That doesn't typically happen.

Usually if a goose leaves the group, another goose follows.

No goose goes alone.

So I began to wonder what had happened.

Why was that goose going it alone?

Did she know this was her last journey?

Or was she a jerk and no other goose wanted to go with her?

Or was she fiercely independent and honked that she would be OK and went on her own?

Watching the geese and thinking all those thoughts

Got me thinking about my own independent self.

I realized that I could learn from the geese.

And when it comes to running, I think I have.

I'm all about the teamwork and support of running with friends.

But in other aspects of my life...

I am fiercely independent and don't like to ask for help.

My recent bout with a toxic thyroid, and feeling like crap,

forced me to accept some offers of help.

And guess what?

Getting help didn't kill me

I might do it more often.

I don't want to be the person who gets left alone.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel Marathon

The genesis of running the Light at the End of the Tunnel started with a comment from a friend after I posted on Facebook about being disappointed in my performance at the Leavenworth Oktoberfest marathon. She simply said, "Congratulations. You can do it. Now pick a better race."

So I googled "Best Races to Qualify for the Boston Marathon". There were several options, including a few with large descents. Well, the Leavenworth marathon had a large descent for the first half and my quads were shot by time I reached the bottom so I didn't want to run another steep downhill race. I also wanted something that I could easily drive to the night before. And with those restrictions in place, The Light at the End of the Tunnel Marathon bubbled up as the top contender.

What made the race so appealing was that it was a gentle downhill grade for most of the race (more on this later), it was only 4 hours from home so definitely driving distance, and it was early enough in June that there was a good chance that the weather would be cool. The only downsides I could see were that it was on a hard-packed gravel trail, not super spectator friendly, and my running buddies couldn't make. But I was determined to make this my race and willing to accept the downsides.

My faithful cheerleader, aka David, drove over with me on Saturday night. It is amazing what a calming presence he is for me. Usually the night before the race, I'm super jittery and have a difficult time falling asleep. But not this time. It was almost like it was a typical night at home--a couple of TV shows, watch the 10 o'clock news and then lights out. And I was asleep pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow.

The race started at 7 am so I was up at 5 to make sure that I could eat something and other attend to other morning necessities (sometimes it takes my intestines a little bit to wake up, if you know what I mean). Dave checked the weather and it looked perfect for running: 44 degrees at the start and maybe upper 60's by finish time. There were some scattered clouds which allowed for filtered sunshine. I was excited to get out the door and have him drop me off at the start line.

Check-in went smoothly, although there was some complaining about not having gear check bags as promised. No worries for me as I often just tie extra layers around my waist while running. Dave found a parking spot and then came to cheer me on at the start.

The gun went off promptly at 7 am and I was off on my biggest race.

The first 1/2 mile is an out and back around the parking lot and then we hit the 2.5 mile long tunnel. Running through the tunnel was interesting--it was narrow, a bit crowded because it occurs so early in the race that runners don't really have the chance to separate, well lit due to everyone's headlamps, and I felt like the tunnel was never going to end. I could be wrong, but it felt like it was a slight up the whole 2.5 miles.

After the tunnel, is when the down slope starts, but it is so gentle it is not noticeable. Although my feet and knees would tell a different story.

At mile 9 I felt the hot spot starting. I tried to wiggle my foot around in my sock to see if that made things better. Nope. There wasn't any vaseline available until mile 13. You can bet that I stopped and greased the heck out of my foot. But, it wasn't enough to prevent the blister. I think the constant down, even though it was slight, was too much. I have never had a blister like that before!

Aside from the developing blister, things went pretty good until mile 18. Mile 18 is my nemesis. It is the mile marker where my brain starts telling me it is tired of running. Then begins this lengthy mind game and war of positive versus negative talk. 

About this time I plugged in some music to see if that would help distract me. A track from Eminen came on and one of the lines was something about "What if this is your one shot?" I don't really remember the rest of the song, but that line stuck with me. This was my one shot. I wasn't going to let the negative win, not this time. That is why I had pushed myself to do such uncomfortable things as the Polar Plunge in a lake that had to have the 2 feet of ice cut so we could plunge. And the Spartan Race that required me to flip 200 pound tires all by myself.

So I pressed on. 

Mile 21 I saw Dave again (hadn't seen him since mile 13). He was super encouraging and said that I was on pace. I wish he could have run with me the rest of the way in as I really had to battle with myself. I did take some walk breaks, but tried hard to keep the pace at under 10 minute miles.

Had I known just how close I was to missing my goal, I may have allowed myself to venture farther in to the pain cave. I didn't know that the time that my Garmin was showing was about 4 minutes faster than what the clock was reading. My Garmin was showing that I was on pace to finish at 3:50. I can only guess that running through the tunnel had somehow messed up the time.

I was thrilled and crushed at the same time as I crossed the finish line and saw that the clock read 3:54:27 and my Garmin showed 3:51. Thrilled because I had achieved my goal of getting a Boston Marathon qualifying time, but crushed because I thought I had run faster. The 3:54:13 (official time) probably isn't fast enough to get me in to Boston.

Never one to give up, I am training for another marathon. This one is in September and will be a pancake-flat course. I'm excited! 

PS This turned into a really long post so I'll have to do a part 3 of my 6 month accountability

Six Month Accountability: Part One

This year is half way complete already! At times, time has felt as if it was standing still and at other times, I wonder where the time has gone. This year is supposed to be a year of growth and DISCOVERY so I wanted to write an accountability post to document the progress that has been made. And make note of where there are still gaps. Oh, and talk about a truth bomb that hurt, but I did learn something from it.

Part of the year of discovery was to be to discover my creativity. I was going to do this through blogging regularly. Whoops. That one didn't go as planned. But, I have six more months to get better at blogging regularly and working on story development and word choice.

I was also going to learn to sew as part of the discover creativity process. This one is still a work in progress. I did spend time during Spring Break working with my mom and learning from her. I completed one polar fleece vest, but I have two more to complete. Apparently, teaching a 45 year old to sew is kind of like teaching a 10 year old sew and more time is needed than 1 week. Who knew? Even though I didn't complete all of my projects, didn't learn how to alter a pattern, struggled with operating the sewing machine, had to have my mom tell me what to do every step, I thoroughly enjoyed all of the time I was able to spend with my mom. We chatted like old friends, laughed at my mistakes, and worked hard. I need to get back over there and finish up those other two vests before October. That will be an August task as she and my dad will be travelling for much of July. I can't wait to hear all of her stories from her trip while I'm sewing in August.

I think that the biggest growth was in the area of discovering grit, stamina, and not quitting. This was also the area that took a lot of work to change my mindset. I did this by listening to different podcasts (the Physical Performance Show was the one with the biggest impact), challenging myself physically (hello Spartan Race) and mentally (Tunnel Marathon). It was such an exciting 6 months!

I really enjoyed the training that was required for the Spartan Race. I did some of the weight training on my own, some with friends, and some with David and Carson. I watched videos on the Spartan website and then made up my own workouts. A few Saturday's Dave and I went to a local gym and participated in their Saturday HIIT workout. Holy cow! HIIT workouts are the bomb! During one workout my ears started ringing and felt like I was underwater. Carson informed me that was an indication that I had pushed myself to the limit. He was pretty impressed that I worked that hard. I also continued my running as I was also in the middle of training for the Tunnel Marathon. I am convinced that the Spartan training (HIIT workouts and weight-lifting) made me a stronger runner and helped me get faster.

The Spartan Race itself was an amazing experience! First of all, I had to quickly get over my disdain for being muddy and dirty as the course was nothing but mud. So props to me for not giving up before I even started. I also had to learn to rely on my teammates for help as there were some obstacles that I literally could not reach on my own. Finally, just competing with David and Brooke was  so much fun! Yes, we had to do burpees but not as many as I was afraid we might have to do. Brooke and I missed 3 obstacles. David continued with his flawless performance. Because we were a team, we could share burpees. Yay! The only obstacle that I wish I could take back is the rope climb. I was so close to ringing the bell at the top, but I felt like I could not pull myself up that last 3 feet. So frustrating! But it did show what muscle groups I need to continue to develop. Dave and I are already talking about what our next Spartan race will be. Next year we might go for the Trifecta, which is a Sprint, Super and Beast (sprint 3-5 miles; Super 6-10 miles; Beast 12-15 miles). Aroo!

Part Two:
Tunnel Marathon and lessons learned
Truth bomb that hurt just a little

Stay tuned...

Knocking Things Off the Bucket List

Most of my bucket list items are related to travelling far and wide. I want to visit all 50 states in the United States. I want to go on an African Safari. I want to visit Tahiti, Australia, and Bali. I want to go on a cruise at least once to see what it is all about (more on this later).

Some of my other bucket list items are related to physical activity and endurance. I want to get a Boston Marathon qualifying time. I want to complete a Spartan race. At one point in time completing an Ironman triathlon was on my bucket list, but I have since thought better of that notion.

Another bucket list item has really nothing to do with travel or endurance. It is to complete a polar plunge. For some reason, I have been intrigued by the notion of plunging into icy cold water on a cold wintry morning. And it really is a strange notion for me to have because I am not a huge fan of being cold! In fact, even though I am intrigued by the idea, I could never get myself down to a lake on January 1st to plunge with all of the other polar plungers. My excuses were plenty!

But this year I made the decision to do it. I thought it would be a great way to get over my fear of being cold and proving that I really can put mind over matter. And so on a cold February morning, I plunged! I plunged with a group that was raising money for Special Olympics so not only did I get to knock off an item on my bucket list, I was able to support a wonderful organization.

The organizers had to cut through 24 inches of ice on Friday so that we could plunge on Saturday. It was so cold on Friday night that there was a thin layer of ice on the water on Saturday morning. The fire department guys were there in their survival suits so they took some mesh fencing and skimmed off the layer of ice. After waiting on the shore for an hour in intermittent rain sprinkles, much fanfare and a 10-second countdown, it was time to plunge. My feet were so cold that I didn't initially notice the temperature of the water. However, as I got deeper, my hands over my head got higher as I tried in vain to not freeze all parts of my body.

The strange part about this whole experience? I feel like it was over so fast that I can't really remember if I was totally miserable while doing it. Haha.

Here is a picture of me as I came out of the water after completing the challenge. Apparently, I think making ugly fierce face is the best face to make when conquering a challenge :)

Proud of myself for overcoming my excuses and completing an item on my bucket list!

Oh, and the cruise part that I mentioned earlier...well this winter has been so long and miserable, I have already booked a cruise for Dave and me for next February. Being intentional about knocking things off the bucket has been empowering!

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Comparing. We all do it. We are first exposed to comparing in our childhood when we are encouraged to look to others for model behavior. Or maybe we are the one who is told to be a role model and set a good example. Comparing ourselves to others and measuring ourselves against others becomes ingrained in us.

When you are learning a new skill, looking and learning for others isn't a wrong thing to do. However, it can be detrimental if we don't remember that we are looking to the other person because they have already mastered the skill we are learning. Forgetting that they, too, were once novices and instead comparing novice self to their master self can lead to feelings of frustration, doubt, self-loathing, etc.

I almost fell into the trap of comparison on Thursday morning.

I have a runner friend who I greatly admire. She is currently running 85 miles a week. She gets up at 4:45 in the morning every day to run at least 10 miles; longer runs on the weekends. She is diligent and determined to meet her goal of qualifying for the Olympic marathon trials. She is bad-a$$. And on top of that, she is super kind.

She is an inspiration.

I also recently read a Facebook post from a friend quoting Kobe Bryant. He was getting an ESPN inspiration award. During his acceptance speech he said he wasn't on stage because he had some super-human skill. He was on stage because of the hard work he had put in; the 4 a.m. practices, the double-days, the never letting anyone dissuade him from his dream. He was diligent and determined.

So, back to Thursday morning.

I generally meet a friend in the mornings at 5 a.m. to run. Thursday morning the alarm went off as usual. I checked the weather and saw that it was 13* but felt like 5* with the wind. I sent a text to my friend saying it was too cold and I wasn't going to make it. The text was sent and the negative self-talk immediately started.

"Your bad-a$$ running friend wouldn't cancel. There is no quit in her"
"Guess you don't want this BQ marathon goal bad enough"
"You should be a little tougher"
"I can't believe you cancelled. What is wrong with you?"

The self-insults went on for a few more seconds and then I said to myself, "Stop it! You can't compare yourself to T. She is on a different journey and has different goals. Let's take a look at all that you have accomplished so far this year."

• I reached 100 miles for the year even though Mother Nature has been making it quite challenging to be out on the roads. Don't compare yourself to T's mileage. She is training for the Olympic Trials!

• I have learned to not dread the treadmill and can now run 6-8 miles on it without feeling like I want to gouge my eyes out.

• I have been doing double workouts almost every day. I try to get a run in the morning and then weights or yoga at night. On days when I didn't get in a morning run, I will run either before or after weights/yoga.

Reminding myself of my progress and my own goals helped draw me out of my self-loathing funk. I also reminded myself that if I compare myself to someone else who is more of an expert, I lose focus of the joy I have discovered in my journey.

Comparison isn't always bad,  especially when trying to learn a new skills. But comparison can be the thief of joy if we only focus on what we don't have yet.

As a friend pointed out on my Facebook video on this same subject, sin is the thief of joy. Yes, it is. And comparison can be sinful if it causes us to become envious, covetous, and full of self-doubt. Turning to God and asking for His help and grace is the cure for those behaviors, as another friend pointed out during the same conversation.

I will always look to my friend for inspiration. But I will remember that her journey and goals are not my journey and goals. She is much farther along in her running journey than I am. I will find joy in where I am at and the progress I am making. And I will remember that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.