Lent Means Time for Self-improvement

Lent has come at a good time of year for me this year.

I find myself at a bit of a crossroads, or at least approaching a crossroads. In a short time, I will go from being a mom 24/7 giving daily love (or "s"mothering) to still being mom, but the visible, daily acts won't be there. It is a strange position to realize that part of my identify, who I am, won't be at the forefront anymore. If I'm honest, it freaks me out a little. Who will I be next when I don't have to be "mom" 24/7?

So back to Lent. While my denomination does not require official participation in Lent, I do take this time to take inventory of what vices, habits, personality quirks I should work on giving up for the next 40 days so that I might draw closer to God and His Son, Jesus Christ. To me, that is the purpose of Lent--a time for spiritual discovery through fasting (giving up those bad things) and prayer; a way to become one with God.

Unfortunately, I am a slow learner and often wind up with the same character flaws needing improvement year after year.

Need to avoid sarcasm? Check.
Need to be faster with a kind word? Check
Need to avoid negative self-talk/thinking? Check
Need to increase my time devoted to scripture study? Check
Need to pray daily? Check

And that is just the short list. So why do the same things show up over and over again when I know that the presence of sarcasm, hurtful words, negative self-talk and the absence of scripture study and daily prayer (among other things) keep me from being totally in tune with God and His plan for me? Well, here is an embarrassing, but honest, admission...maybe up until this point I haven't wanted it badly enough.

As I was thinking about that question "why the same things over and over?", I realized that I always paid lip-service to wanting to be closer to my Savior and Heavenly Father, but did I want it badly enough to really work to improvement? Maybe, maybe not. If I was serious in my dedication would I do better about making time to read my scriptures? Would I make daily prayer a priority? I think that honest answer is "yes". So I've been lazy. I've be able to get away with just going through the motions. Please don't get me wrong here. I do love my Heavenly Father. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am grateful for all that I have been given. I just could do better.

I need to do better. As I approach this crossroads, I need my Savior to walk this road with me and show me the way. He will be the light to guide me, but I need to remove the shades that I have put up that cover His presence. I know that "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Phil 4:13), and those things include moving through the crossroads and striving for improvement. His grace covers all.